Nearly a week in and I still miss my boy like crazy.
Now granted, I single-handedly accomplished more housework in five days than in the three and a half years since his birth. I actually sat down on the computer at school without nearly tipping it over as I hopped up running after one boy or the other. I braved the grocery store without a game plan or various sugary bribes.
I realized, in fact, that this is how I pictured life with children nearly four years ago… before Aiden. A little thing you tote around with you on errands and watch contentedly play on the floor while you clean the house and prepare dinner.
Of course that idea is now so far removed that the realization of it is a bit of a shock to my system.
Don’t get me wrong. Finn is nearly two and his feistier moments feel like a hurricane crashing through our house.
But mostly he is so excited to play with Emily train, pick his own TV shows, and devour an entire chocolate croissant all by himself that quiet and peace reign here (mostly).
And though I thought I’d never say this… I could use a little loud.
I miss the “WooWoo’s” that nearly exploded your eardrums. I miss his hyper song (a little diddy he picked up from a high-speed episode of The Backyardigans). I even miss the sound of Finn’s screeching when Aiden pulled his hair and Aiden’s sobbing when Finn bit him back (okay, that may be a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea).
Yet in less than five days the changes in Aiden are so stark and undeniably positive that I am stifling my urge to run to his classroom, pull him away, and bring him home where he clearly belongs.
He is nicer to his brother (who nearly pooped in his little diaper when Aiden kissed him good-bye yesterday). He plays more imaginatively and independently at home. He asked this weekend if his friend Abigail would speak Spanish at her birthday party (Abigail actually speaks French, but he’s getting the idea). When we asked what his friend Emily from home spoke sometimes, he answered, “Hungary?” (Once again, incorrect. The answer was German, but until this moment we never heard him mention another language.) And as he lay in bed last night he called me up in a panic. When I rushed to his side he pointed to a barely visible page in his book and asked, “Where are we on this map, mom?” To which I responded, “Where did you learn the word, ‘map’?”
It’s like his little world is expanding so rapidly we can hardly keep up. Not even a week and when I look at him I see a different child than the one I sent to school last Wednesday.
I am so proud of the little man emerging, but so fearful to lose the soft, dependent part of him that is still my baby.
With all the change and unfamiliarity spiraling around me it’s no surprise I’m holding on so tight. Because somewhere between the screaming infant who wouldn’t leave my arms and the proud preschooler who hasn’t looked back, he became a friend. A needy, slightly annoying, and very often draining friend. But a friend nonetheless.
So Finn and I are on a venture to find new friends. Feels a bit like elementary school all over again, but we’re meeting some nice people and acclimating to life without Aiden.
Every day is easier than the last. A little more normal, less overwhelming.
Thank you to everyone following our life. Thank you for your e-mails and messages of encouragement. We are still not connected to the internet, which is why these posts are so few and far between. I hope to update more regularly soon. Perhaps even throw in a picture or two. Until then, thanks for hanging in there with us!